Wednesday, February 23, 2011

That new Bioware thing

Yeah, I want to join the Cool Kids Club too and talk about my impressions on the hyper-hyped Dragon Age 2 demo like everyone else. So forgive me for not talking about that corpse of a NWN2 module there under the table... But no worries, this'll be short.
I admit, my expectations weren't that high, and Dragon Age 2 wasn't on the highest position on my shopping list so far, but of course trying the demo was obligatory. After all, Dragon Age: Origins was a really great, great game I thoroughly enjoyed. It had it's faults, of course, my past post about it covers that, but still, played it 4 times, money well spent.

Anyway, now to the demo of that new shiny thing that makes it all ten times better. Know what, just enjoy the screens.

So, we have breathtaking area design again... again? No, it puts even DA:O to shame. Sense some irony? Silly reader.

We have masses of darkspawne! No really, Bioware, how did you know that Darkspawne were the part of the first game I really enjoyed most? Thank you! Give me those Hurlurks, Ogres, ...

Ah! Finally less to read and more action! I always thought Mass Effect's dialogue wheel made things much easier, especially turning off the brain completely and focus on... um... Miranda's.. err... Isabela's chest or something. I totally need to know what's the friendly answer and what the unfriendly too.. because I can't read that much text, I can't read at all, but your neat little colored icons for good, funny, bad fixes that. Thank you!

Ah, more drama. Even in the demo we have shockingly dramatic cutscenes. This woman breaks my heart, no matter her ridiculous look and texturing, clumsy movement (game's set in old times, Mass Effect in the future after all, so of course Mass Effect's cutscenes look more modern and Dragon Age's outdated. Makes sense.) Actually, it worked without me even listening to the dialogue, because I knew already what was happening! Isn't that great?

Ah yes, Flemeth... she looked like an old swamp hag in DA:O, of course that had to be changed to something more 1337. How unoriginal is an old woman in the swamps who's secretely a witch when you can do something awesome like a dragon (gasp) landing in front of you and shapechanging into a super-cool looking MILF with an extremely sexy and exotic outfit? Haven't seen that before in any other game, great new turn, Bioware.

Ah yes, Bioware, you noticed that the gap between Miranda Lawson's legs was probably not the best idea.... because too few people noticed it, maybe? Now that's fixed, everyone will for sure notice this yummy pair. Well thought out. And for the searchers of secrets, there's surely still enough to discover further below on Isabela's hot little outfit.

(wanna bet below that outfit will be another set of those laughable "avoid a FOX scandal" undies that already made me spit my coffee over the table in part 1 and Mass Effect 2? ;-) )

Variations available, covered in blood, honey, chocolate...

Seriously now, folks. DA2's demo has finally turned me off. There's almost nothing I like about it, beginning with the choice between a male and a female Shep.... err... Hawke, over the backstories of the same that totally don't remind me of Mass Effect of course, over the dialogue wheel because we're too stupid to read text (or Bioware being too lazy to write it) etc. etc.

It goes on over the cutscenes in the demo and the apparent storyline that was again so generic and so "Bioware" that I already have the feeling I played DA2 three times before it even got into the stores. The sloppy area design and graphics that seem even worse than DA: O's (maybe proud owners of DirectX11 cards see something awesome, but I only see shite with my Ati 4870) does the rest. Sure, you get some cool new combat moves, more action, instant reaction on click, and as an alibi for the geeks you can again configure the AI in tactic slots.... blabla. Details that don't make the big picture any better.

The only thing that reminded me a bit of art was the new style for the narrated scenes. That was okay, but seriously, I've seen better.

Well, here I am, voice alone in the dark while the rest of the world runs into the stores to push yet another Bioware "instant classic" on top of the game charts. Personally though, I'm getting bored of Bioware's more and more generic game design. I'm even more interested in Dungeon Siege 3 at this moment, and that means something.

Edit 24/2: Look what happened, here I thought Bioware was at least creative enough to name that pair of walking boobs "Izabella"... wishful thinking, it's just plain and simple Isabela. Edited. :)